Yup out of the blue Chris broke up with me again... We even had plans to go play baseball today...to play foot golf...I even bought us soccer tickets so he could meet my dad. And yesterday he texts me at 11:00am telling me he loves me and after a few texts here and there he texts me right before I got in the shower because I thought we were hanging out that night he tells me that he doesn't like how I've been treating my ex and that he cheated on his ex-wife and that we are over. Yes he broke up with me again via text. Yesterday marked our second month anniversary and he just randomly out of the blue broke up with me without even letting me explain. The night before he was sizing me for rock climbing gear and getting ready to play softball with me. I don't get it? Two days ago he hugged me and told me that I felt like home. That he actually felt like he belonged somewhere finally. I don't get it. He said he deserves a second chance but I deserve some one who hasn't crossed that line. I don't know if it would be better or not to tell him that I don't deserve some one like that. Because honestly he needs to find himself. And deep down I don't think it's with me. I don't like that he chews, likes to fight people, has 3 kids, and has an ex-wife. But I do like him. I have a ton of fun with him when he is being normal. And I miss him. The way he talked about wanting to be with me forever...it made me happy...it made me feel safe. It made me think I had a chance at being happy and having a family. And now I am back to being lonely with no hope and no one to do anything with. It was nice having some one to go out to dinner with, to kick the soccer ball around with, to go ice skating with, to go out drinking and playing darts with, it was nice to have someone to watch tv with, to text with, to make plans with. I'm just so tired of being sad. I'm so tired of being lonely. I am so tired of feeling helpless. I am so tired of not being good enough.
I just look like an idiot now. I talked Chris up to both of my parents yesterday. I was so excited to play softball with him today. Was so excited to see him yesterday. And instead I went to bed at 8:00pm waking up every couple hours hoping he would get drunk and realize he missed me and text me. He didn't. Instead he took down every trace he had of me on his Facebook page. How can you go from telling some one you love them to that in a matter of minutes? How do I keep finding guys who can just throw me away like that? Was it Chris's perception of my divorce or did he just find some one better like Joe did? Why does my life have to suck so bad?
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