Well that was short lived... Chris went on another one of his 3 days without talking to me issues and it pissed me off so I left all his stuff at his house because he wouldn't talk to me. I hate it when some one wont tell me why they are mad at me and then go and not answer their phone or anything for days. He didn't even try to get me back when I did that. But I still needed closure so Sunday I went over to his house which pissed him off because he was still sleeping at 11:30am because he was hung over from the night before and the day before he slept till 11:00am because he was hung over from the night before. And we talked. Well... he talked. About how we talk about our ex's a lot and how we might not be over them and how we are projecting our pasts on to each other. I agree he is doing that. I may talk about it more then I should but I don't over react like he does. So he gave me the jewelry back and said he would text me soon and that maybe we would go kick the soccer ball around later. I left and haven't heard from him since. So obviously he just wants to be a college kid again and cares more about hanging out with his roommates and their relationship then he does his own. He even said they were being slow to be my friend because of what had happened with his past girlfriends...like come on! Even his roommates are putting his ex's shit on me?!? In fact the only reason he probably liked me was so that he wasn't the third wheel with them. He didn't actually want a relationship at all. Just a friend. And right now I'm not even that. And that's the thing I think his friends got tired of him being away from them and hurt the situation as well. So I think everything was lined up against me. No matter what I did this relationship was going to fail. Which really sucks because when I was with him I was sooooo happy. I could see my life with him. He was almost perfect like I started to think that he was the reason Joe and I didn't work out...because God wanted me to be with Chris. Like he made Chris for me. I guess I was wrong. And now I'm back to where I was a month ago only now more hurt and more sad. It makes me question dating. Makes me think that maybe that happiness will never last...maybe that happiness isn't worth this pain.
On another note I got rear ended on my way to work today. So that's cool. I don't think there is any damage but I got the ladies insurance info and drivers license. It was pouring down rain and I was standing on the side of 405 so I didn't check too much. I was drenched and called my mom after and basically just balled my eyes out for 30 minutes. Because everything just sucks right now. I have no control over anything and everything just seems to be kicking me in the ass. I can't win...I just can't.
And now everyone is pressuring me to get the house on the market because the people across the street from us put there's up and now apparently have a buyer's war of 4 people which raised their price from 370 to 379 so far. And I'm freaking out because I'm doing everything on my own...packing, cleaning while trying to do my masters and have a some what normal relationship with a guy and it looks like I am failing at all the above. It's hard to pack when you don't know where you are going. It's hard to pack up a life that you didn't want to end. When you don't have something good or exciting to look forward to. Just shit. At least before I had Chris... now I have nothing. Just my lonely self and the cats... fuck me.
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