I'm not looking for a man to spend all the fun an great times with I am looking for a man who will walk through hell with me...some one who will stand by my side when we are up to our knees in shit. I want a man who can calm me when I'm stressed and make me smile when I'm crying. Some one who knows life isn't always going be rainbows and butterflies and is ok with that. Some one I know I can count on no matter what the issue. I know what I am looking for...I just don't know if I'm ever going to find it.
I think the biggest thing I learned last night...is something that Frans said... I need to give a little less fucks. And right now I think that is one of my biggest problems. I am trying WAY to hard. And people can sense that and it's not a good thing. And the thing is I know how it works...once you aren't looking for a guy they show up. But for some reason I feel like I can't just give it up to chance...I feel like it's not going to happen if I am not out there trying to make it happen. And that' my problem.
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