Don't get me wrong I know what Christmas is about. And unfortunately he and I are also having kind of a rocky relationship right now... but I feel like the commercial aspect of Christmas is for couples. Going and getting a Christmas tree... couples. Sled riding and playing in the snow...couples. Listening to holiday music by the fire place...couples. Log cabins in the snow... couples. Everything is better when your in a couple. This is the first Christmas in 10 years that I am not a couple and now I am realizing why single people hate it so much. Everyone on facebook is either getting engaged or having a baby or showing pictures of them selves with their significant other being happy doing Christmas stuff... while I sit here all like "I'm getting divorced!" Yeah...you don't really announce that on facebook... don't really send out holiday cards with just your face on it saying your marriage fell apart because your husband cheated on you with some other married person at work but everyone there is cool with it. No instead you push it down...as deep as you can and you pretend to be happy like everyone else around you. Even though all you really want for Christmas is to be left alone.
The weird thing is though...every time I hear that all I want for Christmas is you song...I've never thought about Joe. In fact I don't think of him now. I've always thought of Ben...and I still do. Maybe part of the reason Joe fell out of love with me was because I was never fully, never truly in love with him. But instead just going through the motions of what I was "suppose to do". Did we both get caught up in the suppose to of life? Is that why now I am looking at doing everything i've never done like move away?
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