Sex

I hope he can't stop thinking about last night because I know I can't... partly because it was amazing and I didn't know sex could be that good and partly because my whole body is sore and bruised now.

I loved how he greeted me at the door with a huge hug and a how are you...I'm better now. Uggg! Why does that corny stuff melt me? We then spent 3 hours holding each other, kissing each other, and being very dirty with each other....I even gave him the start of a blow job while he was on the phone with his dad!! And the counter sex oh my gosh...my new favorite position...granted I my tail bone would argue this morning. I love how he holds me and I just fit... and he said to me that no one looks at him the way I do...and no one kisses him the way I do... melt again. He also liked to say how he loves me while we have sex...I don't think that is something a guy just does...I mean if I'm already having sex with you then saying it to get me to have sex with you is kinda pointless at that point so I think he really does mean it when he says it and if he is saying it while being that physically intimate with me then that is a good thing I think.

Ugggg! I just wish we lived closer! I just wish we could actually be a legit committed couple! I wish he would be more open with me about everything in his life! Cause I kinda think we would be perfect together... I mean he knows me so well and I know him (as much as I can)... and we where just being goofy and fun yesterday...like that is how an afternoon with a guy is suppose to be! I felt good, I felt comfortable, I felt loved and safe. I want that all the time.

Did I mention I'm sore? Oh my gosh it hurts to move! Some of the bruises and scratches are gone this morning but last night holy crap! He said he was going to call or text me when he landed this morning but it's now like noon his time and I haven't gotten anything from him...so I'm not sure if I should be concerned about it or not...I'm trying to tell my self he was probably so tired when he landed he went home and passed out with out thinking about it....but then why didn't he just text me when the plane landed? Or in the car ride from the airport or...damn it. I want to text him but at the same time I don't want to seem needy. Especially because I texted him a couple times last night and he didn't really respond back. He said he was dropping his parents car off at a friends house and that friend was going to take him to the airport...do I believe him? Do I believe he actually flew out last night? I wish I wasn't so doubting now. I wish I didn't think that every guy will cheat on me...that every girl is a threat...I wish I could trust. At the same time though what is this? He said in Charleston that now isn't a good time for us to try a relationship because I'm still getting over Joe and he will be moving soon. But he also said that he has thought about a relationship with me...that more with me has crossed his mind. What does that mean? Does it mean he wants it? Does it mean he thinks it might work? Or does it mean he was like huh that might be kinda nice like a passing thought that happen to slip in once or twice??? Like what does that mean? How serious does he take me...take us? Does he think about marriage with me or just a hey it's nice having sex on a regular basis...? Is he seeing other people? Is he having sex with other people? I feel like I should know that at least but if I do it's just going to break my heart. And then the question is do I change what I am doing with him if he is? Do I stop having sex with him and make it a plane friendship? I mean hell we couldn't do that even when I was married and he was dating some one (which broke my heart). Am I always going to be in this weird "friend/ friend with benefits" zone? I mean if he didn't care he wouldn't have invested this much time in me...he wouldn't keep coming back to me...   I don't know.

Update: So I texted him 9:00am my time noon his saying Hope you had a good flight and it is now 11:36am my time 2:36pm his time and I STILL haven't gotten anything from him. Starting to piss me off especially since every time I move anything it hurts...and we had sex yesterday...and maybe I am just being paranoid and clingy (Vicky doesn't think so she says he shouldn't say he is going to do something if he isn't going to) which is true but this has happened on more then one occasion. And that's the thing... I don't want it to keep happening. I want him to do what he is going to say he is...I want him to think about me and my feelings (ie...texting me when he lands...doing the plans he mentioned to me like the carriage ride and dinner)