Seriously?!?!? Seriously?!?!?! Only a couple more hours of this shitty year and my car dies on me. Alex and google seem to think a cylinder isn't firing and Alex says that is expensive and I should just start looking for a new car. Well guess what everyone! I can't afford a new car!! I can't afford anything! So now I am trapped in my house for the next 3 days until I can attempt to drive it to Bellevue to have Al look at it and tell me what is wrong. Fuck me. I have $1400.00 I can put down on a car right now and that won't get me much of anything. Meanwhile Joe is driving around in his 2013 ford escape that is still under warranty. Yes for over two years we were paying around $500 a month for his car while putting nothing into mine. But that's how our whole marriage was was't it? Him taking and me settling for shit so he would be happy. Me sacrificing so that he could have what he wanted. Well FUCK THAT! I am done settling...I am done always giving and getting nothing in return. 2016 is going to be the year of me! The year I get new clothes...a new home...a new job...and apparently a new car. I am getting a whole new 2.0 version of Jilian and I am going to be stronger then I was before...more confident then I was before. Why? Because I have put up with too much shit and I'm sick of it.
In 2015 I dealt with a knee surgery...I dealt with my husband cheating on me...I dealt with my aunt dying...I dealt with a divorce...I dealt with a bladder and yeast infection...I death with bronchitis... I dealt with car problems...
So now instead of going like a sad pathetic weirdo to a movie by myself...I am sitting at home with my two cats (which Winnie is loving because the neighbors are shooting off fireworks and freaking her out) watching netflix and looking to see how much fun every one else is having tonight on Facebook...joy. This also means that the trip I was going to take down to Cannon Beach by my self (which dad freaked out about saying it is dangerous for a girl to be traveling by her self...so what I am not aloud to go or do anything now? Fuck that! And people wonder why I didn't tell him about my Charleston trip...*rolls eyes*) is canceled too because I don't have a car. But luckily for me the one trip tomorrow to Mt. Rainier with dad and Meridith is still on and again lucky for me Meridith is already asking to do things (sledding) besides take photos...the original purpose of the trip (which originally was suppose to be me going alone.
I really really really hope 2016 is better then this year. I don't think I can do it if it's not.
AND apparently me being angry right now is absolutely absurd to everyone else... I don't think my anger is out of line... I think my anger right now is a normal human reaction to the situation I have been dealt. Am I going to move on and fix it...yes . Am I going to dwell on it...no. So let me be angry tonight. Let me vent. Let me rage while I figure out a plan.
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